i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
