And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
