u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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