How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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