dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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