they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
