Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
