wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
