Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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