Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
