just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
