I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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