Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
