I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize