as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
