If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
