apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
