I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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