I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
