2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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