Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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