My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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