Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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