I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
