if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
