I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
