haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
