and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
