i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
