I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
