allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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