Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
