Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
