I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
