She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize