Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
