and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mom said you looked used
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
