If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize