Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
