So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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