Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
