I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize