I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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