I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
