the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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