It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
