I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
