the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
