I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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