is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
