I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
