Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
