Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
