I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
