Who wears a wallet chain?!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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