mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
