It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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