you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
