HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
