i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she smelled like a LAN party
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
