I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will be naked everywhere
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
