i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
