She is in my trunk
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
