just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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