I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
