I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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