I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
