only if we run a train.
done.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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