i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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