Is it normal to miss your booty call?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize