I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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