so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
