cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
