Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
